Seeping Matter

Round three of the AMA Supercross season just ended almost a week ago.  So I’d better hurry and write my review before round four takes place tomorrow evening.

Here’s the rundown (no pun intended, Ryan Morais):

• Ryan Morais had a really brutal-looking crash in his heat race where he landed on the top of a whoop directly on his lower back at a high rate of speed.  I worried that he’d broken his back (it certainly doesn’t require nearly so vicious an accident for me to break mine), but it ends up he’s just really, really, really sore.  No major injuries, but he’s out indefinitely at this point.
• Jake Weimer won again.  Woot.  Go, sort-of-local boy.
• James Stewart announced at the beginning of the races, “I got a boo-boo on my little handie,” you know, in case he needed an excuse later for losing.
• Josh Hill was looking like he used to a couple of years ago, before he started hanging out with J-Law.  He showed Stewart how it was in their heat by tracking him down and beating him.
  • I know, right?  You’re thinking, “I thought the only thing Stewart’s teammate was supposed to do is take Chad Reed out, not win!”  Well, Larry Brooks explained that since Stewart did such a stellar job of taking Chad Reed out last week, now Hill is actually free to try to win.  Sweet!
  • By the way, isn’t it odd that Jason Lawrence would have the nickname “J-Law,” considering all the legal trouble he’s been having lately?
• The main event was an instant classic.  Stewart led early, followed very closely by Hill and Ryan Dungey.  After seven or eight laps, Hill finally made a move for the lead and was able to hold Stewart off for a while, but you could’ve easily thrown a blanket over all three of them at any point, the racing was so close and awesome.  Finally Dungey passed Stewart, and shortly thereafter he passed Hill for the lead, checked out, and took the win.
• After the race, when they interviewed Stewart, he wiped a tear from his eye as he said, “My wrist.  It has an owie.  I couldn’t win because of my owie.  Remember, I told you about this earlier.”  Of course, we remembered.  It was all Ralph Sheheen could talk about the entire race.

As a side note, this Stewart crap is really getting old.  Every time he loses he has an excuse.  It is never his fault.  He always wins unless the entire universe conspires against him.  Right?

Dude, shut up.  Two years ago Chad Reed raced with a broken shoulder blade and still did better than you did with your tender wrist.  Shut up and race already.

You know, the bad thing about being passionate about sports mostly rednecks follow is this:  Most of the people that follow it are rednecks.

I realize that sounds like I’m just repeating myself.  Seriously, though, most Supercross “fans” are complete idiots.  They haven’t followed the sport long enough to even know who Jeremy McGrath is, let alone people like Rick Johnson, Jeff Ward, David Bailey, or Bob Hannah.  They attend races, but they are so drunk by the time the main event starts that they don’t even know who is winning, much less notice when someone is suddenly taking a different line through that rhythm section.

Even worse, some of these people apparently become the heads of the sanctioning body, and they end up running the show, even though they obviously don’t have a freaking clue what is going on.

Let’s consider James Stewart here, self-entitled crybaby extraordinaire.

First off, let me be the first to say it:  Stewart is way fast.  The fastest guy on the track, without question.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, and we’ve already addressed the whiny crybaby aspect, let’s talk about another aspect of his legacy:  Crashing.  In particular, crashing into other people.

I can’t think of anyone in recent memory that has done this more often.  Off the top of my head, here’s the ones I can remember:

• James lands on top of Ivan Tedesco in Supercross practice, breaking his hand and ruining his season.
• James crashes at the bottom of the finish-line double, then remounts his bike and pulls directly onto the track at the foot of the jump directly into oncoming traffic without looking first, taking Travis Preston out of the race.
  • Interesting sidenote:  James finishes the race, but then collapses in “pain” at the end to avoid getting his tail whipped by Preston, who was waiting around to have a word.
• James jumps and lands on top of Ricky Carmichael.
• James crashes off the track in a whoops section, then pulls back onto the track (again without looking) right into Kevin Windham, crashing them both.

That doesn’t include all the times Stewart and Reed crashed into each other, nor all the times Stewart intentionally tried to take Reed out (for example, the time Stewart crossed lines in mid-air over a triple jump, trying to take Reed out about 20 feet above the ground).  And I’d also include the times where James and his team got his teammate to try to intentionally take Reed out in Salt Lake City last year.

So Phoenix was more of the same.  It started out in the heat, where James got a mediocre start, then crosses from the middle of the track to the edge (sound familiar?) in the first triple jump, and ends up right underneath Kyle Partridge.  Partridge was unhurt but did not finish the race or qualify for the main event.  Stewart stood up, made sure the camera was looking right at him, then limped around grimacing to make sure everyone knew he was really hurt.  Then came out and raced the LCQ like nothing happened.

Then the main event comes along.  Reed is riding behind Stewart, is riding faster than him, and is obviously carefully looking for the right place to pass.  Finally he gets a small window of opportunity and makes a block pass in the turn, taking away Stewart’s line.

This is a completely legal and legitimate move.  It happens in Supercross racing ALL THE TIME, in every race, in every event.  It is not considered a dirty move if you clearly take the line from the other rider.  Reed did not initiate contact with Stewart; he took the position.

Stewart, meanwhile, cut down early into Reed and crashed into him.

This part, while unfortunate, I can understand.  Things happen quickly in a race.  But, if you have this recorded in high-def, like my brother does, you should replay it.  As I’m told, if you watch the replay you can clearly see that Reed is going to get out of the turn until Stewart reaches out and grabs Reed, pulling him to the ground along with Stewart.

Well, Reed breaks his hand in the crash.  He’s lying there on the ground with Stewart and Stewart’s bike sitting there on his broken hand.  Reed pushes Stewart off of the top of him, mounts his bike, and rides directly into the pits (we found out much later; more on this in a minute).

Stewart, meanwhile, gets up and finishes the race in 15th.  Then, after the race, he storms over to Chad Reed’s pit and pushes Reed’s bike over.  I assume he wanted to have “a word” with Reed, and that Reed wasn’t there because he was at the hospital.

Meanwhile, throughout most of the racing evening all we’ve heard on TV is Ralph Sheheen going on and on and on and on and on and on and on about Stewart.  Some samples:

• “James Stewart is so fast.  So fast!  I mean, he’s so fast!”
• “James Stewart is incredible.  I mean, he is just incredible.  Incredible!”
• “James Stewart looks so hot in those tight pants.  Hot!  I mean, really, really hot!”

(Okay, maybe he didn’t actually say that last one.)

Post-race, here is the immediate fallout:  Chad Reed is suspended by the AMA and fined $5000.  James Stewart is given a warning.

Wait.  This can’t be right!  Let me restate:

• James Stewart:
  • Crossed the track in mid-air over a triple jump in mid-pack at the start of a race, directly into the path of another rider.  IN MID-AIR.  Causing a very dangerous collision.  Taking another rider out for the remainder of the evening.
  • Later, he cuts down into another rider that has already taken a spot away from him, grabs on to that rider and pulls him to the ground.  In doing so, he breaks that other rider’s hand.  This other rider just happens to be Stewart’s primary contender for the title, who is now out for half of the season.  So Stewart not only took yet another rider out of the race, he took this one out of title contention.
  • Later, he storms across the pits to have a word with this guy who had the nerve to pass James cleanly.  He enters Reed’s pit area and pushes over his factory Kawasaki Supercross bike.
  • For all of this, the AMA says, “Aw, James.  We know you feel sad.  You shouldn’t treat other people like that, okay?  There there.”
  • And Ralph Sheheen says, “Poor James.  He sure looks hot when he’s angry!”
• Chad Reed:
  • Passed Stewart cleanly, but was then crashed into by Stewart and apparently tackled to the ground.
  • He breaks his hand in the process, ruining his season.
  • He pushes Stewart off of his broken hand so he can get up and go to the hospital.
  • For this, Reed is fined and suspended.
  • And Ralph Sheheen says, “Serves old what’s-his-name right for hurting my sweetie-pie like that!”

This is so ludicrous it is beyond belief.  What race were these guys watching?

Stewart was only given a warning because this was his “first offense,” according to the AMA officials.  Hello?!?  Have you guys ever seen another race?  Stewart does this kind of crap ALL THE TIME!

Stewart does this all the time because of his self-entitlement problem.  He thinks that everyone on the track should just get out of his way while he rides to victory.  He considers the entire track to be his personal track.  He can take any line he wants, whenever he wants it.  He belongs at the front and will run over or through anyone who gets in his way.

It makes me wonder how many other guys there would be that could compete with him if they all had absolutely no respect for anyone else they race with and no regard for the safety of the others on the track.  Since Stewart is pretty much the only one, we’ll never know, unless the AMA does something.

They won’t though, and it has to do with the bench-racing forum-posting crowd.

Reading some of the forum posts after the race is something I can’t recommend.  I think it is dangerous to do; I think it will actually make you stupider.  These guys go on and on about how Reed “took James out” of the race.  Nevermind the fact that Reed cleanly had the position.  Nevermind the fact that last year, when Stewart took the position from Reed at Anaheim 1, then cut across the front of Reed and missed a shift, causing them both to crash, that it was these same people claiming that Reed took Stewart out again, in a crash that seems to be almost an exact role-reversal from last year!  I’m willing to chalk them both up to pure racing incidents, but if anything Stewart was to blame in both cases, not Reed.

Anyway, the problem is, it is these people that eventually become the main dudes at the AMA.  I guess I should cut them some slack about Phoenix.  Heck, the AMA officials were probably slobbering drunk at the race also.  That would at least explain what otherwise looks like obvious favortism that can only be rivaled by the BCS.

AMA?  Sheheen?  It is time for this Stewart favortism to stop.  You need to see it for what it is:  He’s a selfish, whiny, crybaby brat with a self-entitlement and lack-of-humility problem.  He’s dangerous to every other rider on the track because he has no respect for them.  And he’s dangerous to the sport because he makes it look like the only way to compete is to compete dirty, and there’s a lot of riders (not Andrew Short or Eric Sorby, but most of the others) who aren’t willing to be thought of as dirty in order to win if they can help it.

Besides, Ralph, he’s just not that into you.

The Phoenix round of the 2010 AMA Supercross season was certainly pivotal.  Here’s a summary:

• Jake Weimer won 250s again in convincing fashion.  Trey Canard rode like a madman to try to keep up, and then crashed.
• Ryan Morais looked pretty solid as he rode to second place in 250s.
• At the start of his heat, James Stewart jumped from the center of the track to the edge of the track in the first triple, in the middle of the pack, and was landed on by Kyle Partridge who, inexplicably to Stewart, just jumped in a straight line.  Stewart pretended to be very severely hurt in hopes to lure away Chad Reed fans, but we haven’t forgotten that Reed raced the same day he broke his shoulder blade two years ago.  Stewart, you have a long way to come to be the man Reed is.
• In the main event, Reed made a pass on Stewart and had the position when Stewart rode directly into Reed anyway, crashing them both out of contention and breaking Chad Reed’s hand.  More on this later.
• Meanwhile, Ryan Dungey showed that last week was no fluke as he proceeded to win the 450 main event.  It’s true that Reed and Stewart crashed, but it’s likely that Dungey would have won it anyway.

Reed was fined and suspended, presumably for first having the audacity to pass Stewart, and then for pushing Stewart off of the top of his broken hand as he tried to get back up.  Stewart, meanwhile, crashed at least two people out of their respective races by riding like a madman, then stormed across the pits after the race to Reed’s pit and pushed Reed’s bike over.  The AMA said, “Now now, James.  You don’t need to be so mean to your inferiors.”

Yeah, I’ll be talking about this later.

My deepest apologies for being a week late with this review.  Of course I realize that all of you who read this blog are big-time racing fans, like me.

So here’s a basic review of what happened at Anaheim 1, in case you, inexplicably, missed it:

• Ryan Dungey showed he is for real, leading most of the main event.  Even though he was passed by James Stewart at the end and ended up losing, he held him at bay for 17 laps and very nearly caught him and repassed him on lap 20.
• James Stewart, in typical James Stewart fashion, refused to give any credit to his competition and blamed his bike for not dominating the race.  This is because James is a whiny momma’s boy that thinks the world owes him something.  It’s also because he believes that you cannot be a James Stewart fan and also a fan of any other rider.  That’s OK James, I’m a fan of the other riders.
• Austin Stroupe, being bored and restless waiting for the Lites East series to start, came up to the big class, rode like a madman, took Chad Reed out of the main event on the first lap, and then talked smack about Josh Hill for doing the same thing to him.
• Jake Weimer pretty much picked up where he left off and dominated the Lites main event.  With no Ryan Dungey in Lites anymore, Weimer appears to be the clear favorite to win the Lites West title.
• And Trey Canard made several Trey Canard-style passes, which means that he banged into people and tried to wreck them when passing them even if he didn’t have to.

It should be an awesome season.

So, before the voting finishes today, I have to make my case for who should take the Heisman Trophy.  Because obviously, what I have to say on the matter is critically important to all the voters.

Actually, considering how influential my opinion is, it is really surprising they don’t just let me vote.

Anyway, the Heisman Trophy is supposed to be awarded annually to college football’s most outstanding player.  It isn’t meant to be a career award.  It isn’t meant to be for the best quarterback, running back, or even offensive player, although it is usually awarded this way.  It isn’t meant to go to the best player playing for one of the country’s top teams.

It is meant to go to the most outstanding player, period.  I read that to mean the player that stands out the most among his teammates and among those he plays.  I interpret that as the player who has the most amount of impact on whether his team wins or loses.  I understand that to mean a person who not only fills his role but redefines his role and makes people better around him.

And I think it should be someone who does this consistently, every down, every play.  When it seems like there is no way to compete, this person finds a way to compete and win and gives life to his team.  When the chips are down and the competition is at its strongest, this person plays even better than they normally do.  In other words, the effect of competition on this person is that it magnifies his strengths, instead of exposing his weaknesses.

One other thing.  Quarterbacks have a distinct unfair advantage in this process.  Unlike many other positions, quarterbacks tend to play in, and be involved in, pretty much every play on their side of the ball.  Voters should consider this and try to mitigate the differences when voting.  Like I said, it shouldn’t be a “best QB” award.

I didn’t watch Nebraska play much this year.  But I did watch Texas play on a number of occasions, with their own deserving Heisman Trophy candidate QB, Colt McCoy.  In every game of theirs I saw, McCoy was outstanding.  He’s a great passer, very efficient, careful with the ball, explosive on offense.  Texas averaged 43 points per game through their season.

That is, up until they played Nebraska.  Nebraska’s defense made Texas look like a nothing school.  They completely shut their offense down.  If it weren’t for a few seconds of mental lapse by the special teams at the end of the game, Nebraska would have won that game.

Ndamukong Suh, Nebraska’s outstanding defensive lineman, was the dominant player of the game.  Not Colt McCoy.  It was Suh who most affected the play of the other team.  In a big game, it was Suh who elevated the level of his play; McCoy’s level of play was at the worst of the whole season.

Against a national championship title contender, Ndamukong Suh was, as I understand he was all season, the most outstanding player.

Unfortunately, I don’t think Suh will win the Heisman.  He should, but there’s too much stacked against him.  He’s a defensive player, for one thing; only one defensive player has ever won the Heisman.  And there’s a lot of sentiment for him to overcome.

How do you not give the Heisman to Tim Tebow?  He could be only the second two-time Heisman Trophy winner!  He serves “missions” every summer!

How do you not give the Heisman to Mark Ingram?  Alabama has unbelievably never produced a Heisman Trophy winner before!  His team is undefeated!

How do you not give the Heisman to Colt McCoy?  His team is also undefeated!  He posted some of the most incredible stats of any QB this season against Big 12 competition!

Easy.

First off, let’s just get Tebow out of the way.  I appreciate the kind of man Tim Tebow is.  I like him.  He’s polite, he’s a great leader, he sincerely seems like a good guy, and he plays his guts out.  But this was not his best season at Florida, and when his team needed him most, like against Alabama, he let them down.  He was not the most outstanding player in the SEC or arguably even on Florida’s team, let alone in the whole NCAA.

(While we’re at it, let’s address this “mission” thing.  I greatly respect the fact that Tebow takes time from his off-season to travel around the world, serving and speaking to people less fortunate than himself.  I think he’s sincere in his desire to help others.  It’s really awesome.  But, let’s be serious:  It isn’t a mission.  He isn’t really sacrificing that much.  I know, because I served one.  I gave up everything — friends, family, girls, music, television, movies, sports, school, hobbies, everything — to work over 80 hours a week for two straight years on my own dime serving people in a foreign country.  Not one week here or there when there’s nothing better to do.  What Tebow has done and continues to do is outstanding, noteworthy and worth emulating, but he’s not really sacrificing anything major, and it isn’t really a mission.  Glad we could clear that up.)

Colt McCoy has been a great quarterback this season, that is for sure.  Of course, Texas offensive coordinator Greg Davis’ style of offense combined with a great supporting cast (e.g. Jordan Shipley among others) certainly helps to prop up those amazing stats.  Unlike Tebow, I think McCoy has a future as an NFL quarterback.  But, like Tebow, when it mattered most this year, McCoy couldn’t elevate his game and help his team win.  That’s not outstanding either.

Mark Ingram is a great running back.  I love watching him play.  He’s my kind of running back, one who doesn’t waste a lot of time dancing around, but instead just finds a hole and heads upfield.  He never gives up on a play until the defense forces him to give up.  But Mark Ingram isn’t the best running back in the country, so I don’t know how he should deserve the Heisman.

The best running back in the country is Stanford’s Toby Gerhart.  He’s the guy that played best against the toughest competition, racking up some of his best games in upsets of Oregon and USC (oh thank heaven for that).  Still, I don’t think any of these other four had a greater impact on the performance of their team as well as their opponents as Suh did.

So, all you voters who read my blog regularly, ignore your biases and go with your gut.  Give the Heisman to Suh, who is certainly the NCAA’s most outstanding player.  If you aren’t going to do that, give it to Toby Gerhart, the nation’s best running back, or Mark Ingram if you just can’t stand the fact that Alabama has never had a Heisman Trophy winner.  At least Ingram continued to play well even against tough competition.

If you can’t ignore your QB biases, then I guess give the award to McCoy.  He certainly deserves it more than Tebow does.

Or, take the safe route.  Give your vote to the golden boy with that million dollar grin.  Let Tebow become only the second two-time Heisman Trophy winner.

Just don’t be surprised in a few years when people are talking about the 2009 season as yet another time when the Heisman was given to another NFL flameout, and also the season when up-and-coming NFL MVP candidate Ndamukong Suh was snubbed in the Heisman voting.

Now that the bowl game matchups have been set, it is time for my annual feature of picking the winners of the bowl games.  I do this because for some people who read this blog, if I don’t give them a chance to ridicule me in public, they have nothing to say to me at all.

Also, last year I correctly picked 11 winners out of 18 bowl games that I picked for.  Of course, one of those was the Toilet Bowl, and I always get that one right.  A cynical friend of mine said that I did hardly better than you could expect from someone just picking the winners at random.

What do you think I’m doing?  Sheesh.

So, here you go.

There you go.  Fire at will.

It’s that holiday time of year again.  I can tell, because I have to park my Z for the next few months because of the dumb old snow.  I’m being pressured to spend money on things my family does not need, and even worse, to allow people in my family to spend money on things for me that I don’t need.  And the powers-that-be of college football have yet again managed to screw up an otherwise excellent season.

I don’t really mind much, anymore.  I mean, I wish they would come up with a championship that would actually make sense, I really do.  But, as I’ve already explained why a playoff won’t work, I’ve given up all hope of them ever fixing it.  I figure they have also, because they keep on coming back with those same old arguments that try in vain to justify their position.

Just accept it.  Accept it, and be grateful for something to complain about to all your friends.  That’s what I’ve done.  I’ve made complaining about the BCS a part of my annual holiday traditions.

In fact, this is a very great idea.  Normally I would grumble and complain about the holiday season because it is so freakin’ expensive for no good reason.  This usually gets me in trouble with my wife, who says I need to not be such a humbug.  But now, I realize I can always blame it on the BCS.  I can confidently rely upon them to screw up every single winter, and now I can blame my grumpiness on them:

My Wife:  ”Will you help me put up the Christmas lights?”

Me:  ”I hate the dumb Christmas lights.  How about let’s just let the neighbors put up their Christmas lights, and we’ll just look at theirs.  They’ll appreciate it because if we don’t put ours up, people will notice theirs more.”

My Wife:  ”Why are you such a humbug?  You make Christmas miserable for the whole family.”

See, before, I would be in trouble at this point.  BUT NOW, I can say:

Me:  ”Sorry, honey.  It’s the BCS.  Of course, they ruined the college football post-season again, and it is really bringing me down.”

My Wife:  ”Oh, right.  Of course.  I can see why you are so upset.  Here, why don’t you let me make you some chocolate chip cookies?”

See how much better that works?

Of course, the main thing to gripe about this year is not just that neither TCU nor Boise State got a chance to play for the national championship game, despite both teams going undefeated all season.  The main thing to gripe about is that the BCS pitted TCU against Boise State in the Fiesta Bowl, appeasing both teams in principle by giving both a BCS birth, but violating the spirit of it all by having them play each other.  We’ll never know how good TCU or Boise State is this year.  All year we hope one of these mid-major teams will make it to a BCS game just to see how they fare against the big boys.  I guess the BCS schools have had enough of getting their hats handed to them by the mid-majors, so they thought they’d make everyone happy this way.

Well it didn’t work.  Thanks BCS, for saving me again.

Cincinnati has a gripe too, although considering that they just barely beat Pitt last week I’m not sure they are all that good either.  But if they beat Florida, you know Cincinnati will claim co-championship honors, the same way Auburn did a few years ago when they went undefeated but didn’t get to play for the national title.

Oh well.  It’s not all bad.  How so?  Well, USC is playing in the Emerald Bowl, for one thing.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

They don’t actually give out this award, but I have to wonder if they did give an award to the most improved football team in all of college football, if it wouldn’t go to the USU Aggies.

Consider:  Two years ago, they showed infinite improvement over the previous year when they won one game instead of winning zero.  Last year they slowed down a bit, but still showed 100% improvement by winning two games instead of one.  And this year they stayed on pace, improving by 100% again and winning four games instead of just two.  This stellar improvement has, among other things, moved them into the top 100 NCAA football teams!

Can your favorite football team say they have won twice as many games this year as they did last year?  And can they say they’ve done that twice in a row?  Consider:  At this rate, in 2011 USU will actually win more games than they actually play.

If that doesn’t earn them a BCS title, I don’t know what will.  I can’t wait.

Max Hall. He hates you. No, he doesnt. (Image source: www.nytimes.com)

I’ve hardly slept the past two nights, and my ulcer has really been acting up, because I’ve been so worried about having lost the approval of Max Hall, who informed me publicly last Saturday night that he hates me.

I mean, really, it has been a terrible past two days.

But no more.  Thankfully, I just found out that he issued a public apology.  That makes everything all better!  I’m not fretting anymore!

I have a link to his apology on ESPN.com.  But really, don’t feel like you have to go there to read it.  I’m happy to summarize it for you.  Here’s the basic gist of it:

I made a lot of comments last Saturday night that I sincerely meant.  But I now realize that saying those things is making me look bad, and lots of people are saying more mean things about me on the internet, which really hurts my feelings.

Even worse, I’m afraid that the Mountain West is going to suspend me from playing our bowl game, and since I’m a senior that means I wouldn’t get to play my last game.  Although I didn’t actually make us lose the game to Utah, I played pretty poorly and I’d like to play one more time.  And it would really make me sad if I had to miss our bowl game my senior year.  Because that is probably the last football game I’ll play in my life, because the odds of me getting drafted are like a snowflake’s chance in, uh, the underworld.

So, even though I’ve had a whole year to sort out my feelings, I hope you will please believe that I didn’t mean anything I said, and that I think Utah is really the upper crust, the best of the best.  What?!  What do you mean, why am I rolling my eyes when I say that?!  Why won’t anyone believe me!?  I hate you guys!

Sorry, I didn’t mean that.  Please let me play in the bowl game.  I will say anything you tell me to, even if I don’t really mean it, as long as I get to play.

Yeah, that about sums it up.

Well, rivalry week is over.  Actually, some of the rivalry games (e.g. Michigan-Ohio State) were last week, and some (e.g. Oregon-Oregon State) aren’t until next week.  But this was the big week, and there were some great rivalry games played.

Also, BYU and Utah played.  Around these parts people think it is a big deal.  That’s mostly because they don’t ever watch any other college football games.  These are the same people who, every year, think that this year is the year BYU will win the national title.

Yes.  They are delusional.

Anyway, BYU won the game, like it matters.  Sorry to rain on the parade, but these are also-rans in the Mountain West after all.  Don’t blame me, it isn’t my system.

So in the post-game press conference, they asked BYU QB Max Hall how much the win meant to him, and he proceeded to explain that he hates the U of U football team. No, wait:  all the U of U students.  No, wait:  the whole University of Utah.  No, wait:  every person, anywhere on earth, who has ever cheered against BYU, or who has ever said or done anything against Max Hall’s family that he didn’t like, or who has ever said anything negative or even questionable about Max Hall, ever, or anyone who might at any time in the future suggest anything but the most esteemed or complimentary thoughts in his regard, or who might ever even dare to take the the parking spot that his mom might wish to have at the grocery store.

Yes.  He hates — HATES — all of these people.

So I guess he probably hates me too.  This really has me distraught.  I mean, how can I go on?  Max Hall hates me?!?  And I’ve so been wanting to achieve his approval!

Alright, so I exaggerated a bit.  Hey, it’s my blog, so I can do whatever I like, including change the tone of my blog post from humor to the straight dope.

So here’s the straight dope:  Max Hall, if you want to know why I, a member of the LDS faith, just can’t bring myself to be a full-fledged BYU fan, look no further than the end of your nose, buddy.

Yes, it was a rivalry game.  Yes, BYU lost to Utah last year in large part due to Hall’s mistakes.  Yes, his family was poorly treated after the game last year.  And yes, when it all comes down to it, Hall is a just a mid-20s kid letting off some steam at the end of an emotional football game.

Doesn’t matter to me.

I realize that his behavior wasn’t that much beyond expectation of any other fairly high-profile player on any other fairly high-profile college team.  The problem is, that is just not good enough for me.

It isn’t that I think my religion is better than any other.  It is that it represents me personally.  BYU, and the players that play for that school, and the fans of those teams and players, represent me.  And I’ve been disappointed too many times by players and fans when they have behaved in ways that are not consistent with what I believe.

Hall’s remarks are just the latest in the line.  When he says he hates the University of Utah, their fans, and their players, well, that’s just not in line with what I believe at all.  When he explained that it was in part due to how his family was treated last year, well, my faith teaches that I’m supposed to forgive others, not hold grudges.  When he judges the whole University of Utah, their players, and their entire fanbase based on the actions of a few people, well, that differs from when I was taught to first worry about the beam in my own eye before worrying about the mote in someone else’s.

In short, despite the fact that BYU is supported by the LDS church, it’s just often enough that their players and fans don’t represent my beliefs that I just can’t consider myself a true fan.

Don’t hate me, Max.